So, you are in a relationship, and you feel something isn’t alright. You put a lot of effort every day, but nothing changes except your life from happiness to sadness and depression. You are challenged every day, and when you see the mirror, you cannot identify your own image. Yes, if this is happening to you right now, you might be dealing with a narcissist. They can be your partners, family member, boss, neighbor or anyone. So, why am I talking about a narcissist? Well, you will be surprised to know that I was dealing with a narc and that gives me a lot of knowledge about what they can be. This is because they are all the same. Low creativity and the same set of patterns. However, I have got myself free from the narcissist that was living on my energies. I have been so blessed that I had my friends and the universe with me. So here we will be doing a lot of discussions related to a narcissist and how they plan to trap you and how you can save your life. Honestly speaking, after I identified the narc in my life and left him, I have been keeping a watch on my friends and family if they are in a similar situation. I am there to help. If you need to talk, drop me a message or contact me, I am there to listen, and you can repeat the same story countless times. I am your friend, your guide from striving to thriving. So, let us begin:
A narcissist traps you by Love Blaming.
They are brilliant at identifying the empathic people, and they target soft-hearted people because it is easy to manipulate simple people with compassion. So they recognize you and then they love balm. They make you feel loved, and they very smartly move into your life. They make you comfortable, and you tell them about your weaknesses, and that is a jackpot for them. In my case, my friends and family were my weakness. Endless love and the trust of my friends and family was the only thing I was afraid to lose. Narc got my nerve. They will also praise you in front of people and will be very vocal about the relationship even before you are certain about it. They do it on purpose, because each time you want to escape, people take their side telling you that they are so much in love with you. Only you know the bruises on your mind and body, in front of people they are extremely good and you are the bad person. This is how they manipulate.
In my case, I was very much isolated from my friends and family. Most of the Narcissistic Abuse Victims go through isolation. This is because they make us feel comfortable in their company and they create a bubble around us that only they care. We believe because we put too much trust in them. I did that. So, I was isolated, and my friends couldn’t help me. Even though few of them knew he was a toxic person, but since I was not in contact with them, they could do nothing. He was very possessive and mean. By the time I realized that I was trapped. I could not reach out to my friends for help because I was embarrassed about telling them that I was with a jerk all this time. I was so trapped that I could not call my friends or family for help.
I was an average person who had some perspectives. I had answers for questions, but he wanted to hear what made him delighted. He was so self-absorbed and attention seeker that my feelings were never considered. I could only speak what he wanted to hear- a nod at what he said. I did that too, but he was never happy with me. He constantly gaslighted me, and I used to answer back with positive things, but that used to make him angry, and no matter how much I used to avoid arguments and fights, I was always dragged into an endless quarrel. He used to disrespect me on everything, and I never got an appreciation from him. The only time he used to love balm me was whenever I used to tell him that I want to leave. I knew something wasn’t alright in this relationship. I realized it within a month but he managed to drag me through blackmailing and what not till three years. Gaslighting happened every day, and I was humiliated every day.
I will give you an example, I was a fitness lover, and I used to enjoy my morning run in forests. I was gaslighted every night and he used to extend the conversation telling me useless things. I was always sleep deprived. So I started missing my morning routine. I shifted the run time to evening and I was gaslighted with things like you meeting other men. For my mind’s peace, I stopped doing what made me happy. Also, I gained some weight, so I was always called fat and ugly woman. Each time I decided to work out, I was called a slut who is looking for men everywhere and each time I was at my home, I was called a boring person. I used to paint and read and write and I wasn’t allowed to do things because my energies were shifted to my interests but he wanted to suck on all of my energies. They are like vampires who suck energies and I was totally devasted. I had no friends, no hobbies and even my money was running like a stream because he wanted every single penny from me. He used to manipulate me that he is in need of money and he would return, but he never.
Here I would like to tell you a few things that all of the narcissistic people have in them. They have very high self-importance. They never think about what other people think. Even though they are wrong, they will always stick to what makes them feel important. They will also make you feel that you are lucky because they are with you. No matter how sad you are all the time.
They live in delusions. Since they have nothing to support reality, they have their own delusions and they strongly believe in that. They need your energies to feed their ego and they will make you feel small and boost their ego. They will not treat you like a human being. You are fine dinner that they need to feed their ego and unknowingly you feed their ego because they live on your sadness, confusion and when you question your sanity they get a big fat platter for dinner. Trust me, anything you do naturally is their food. Your emotions are their supplies and you are no less than a source of energy that keeps them fit.
They believe in what they want should be with them. No matter how uncomfortable you are and how sad you are they will never be the shoulder you can trust. They can exploit you without showing any guilt. They lack empathy and they make you feel upset every time without any shame. They bully you and they trap you in a way that you cannot even think of escaping.
In my case, I was always a fun loving person with dreams and aspiration. I was made to think that I was useless and childlike to think that way. I was tortured emotionally and physically. I was beaten up multiple times and each time I wanted to run, I was blackmailed that he would tell my family bad things about me. I was afraid to make my parents and friends ashamed of me. I was already depressed and anemic to the extent that I thought of killing myself. I was always thinking about how to die? I loved myself so, I could never gather the courage to commit suicide. However, mentally I was in a suspended animation where I was lost and lonely. I wanted to live but I had no idea how to do that.
He had sucked all my positive energies so I was left with tears and suicidal thoughts. I begged him to leave me because I was so lonely that I started liking the isolation. I used to judge my sanity and he made me believe that I was a mad person who is ruining his life. I used to pray for his death or my natural death because that was the only thing that I could think about to escape from that parasite.
How I escaped?
One morning, when I woke up after crying all night, my head was spinning and my brain hurt. I couldn’t even move from my bed to the washroom. I fainted in my bed and when I woke up, he called me and said a lot of things to gaslight me, but I had no energy to reply to him. I was very low and a friend of mine called me up. She had contacted me before as well, and she had told me about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. For the first time in my life, I told her about everything that was troubling me. She stood by me and helped me. I watched a lot of youtube videos and read a lot of articles on how to get away from toxic people.
I learned the Grey Rock Method and I practiced it for some time. It worked but I was not in a state to continue it. I was devastated mentally and physically. So, I told him that do what you like, my life is important and I am not taking this anymore. No matter how wrong I am to choose you, my family and friends will always accept me. My exact words were, “Even if a person commits a murder, their family hires the best lawyer to save them. I have not murdered anyone and I have never caused any hurt to anyone, so my family will be by my side.”
Trust me, I felt light. There is nothing that can make me kill myself. I knew what he was doing and I knew how to deal with him. I gave him no energies and that made him restless. I stopped talking to him and I went total NO contacts with him. I joined some Facebook groups where victims of NPD discussed their issues. Everyone is facing the same things and everyone’s narc is doing the same torture. It gave me a lot of strength. I asked one of my friends to stay with me because I was very much afraid. She helped me with her positive talks and she stood by me. I have my gratitude for her.
What a Narc does when you try to leave them?
They start a Smear Campaign against you. And that is alright. Because it makes you know the people who love and support you, the rest of them should not matter. They even use flying monkeys to know what you are upto. I went through it but I was very strong at my decision. I choose life over being a bag of energy supplies for a narc. For a few months, I was no contact with him and I thought my life will be sorted. I felt relaxed and I started talking about Narcissistic abuse openly with people. I started guiding people on staying away from toxic relationships. Everything was so good, but he was hovering on me. He was stalking me on social media. For some time I did stop using any social media, but I really wanted to be myself. So, I was everywhere and I was posting good pictures, making videos of how amazing my life is after leaving him.
He was constantly sending me messages from new accounts and I was blocking him from everywhere. This did not stop until an angel helped me. I was traveling with a friend and suddenly I got a phone call from an unknown number after months of being no contact. I was too scared to answer so my friend took good care of him. The narc went to a police station trip and I was saved. We all have some guiding angels and luckily, mine was with me at that time. I was too embarrassed, I was shivering and restless in front of my friend but this is how God plans things for you. If I would have been alone, it would disturb me and I could have done something to hurt myself, but I was safe in a company that I trust the most. My life is so good after this. I smell of happiness and joy all the times. I am brimming with love and positive energies. I would really like to thank my friend for taking good care of me that day without judging me or making me feel uncomfortable. Life is all about choices, I made the wrong choice and suffered for three years. In three minutes, I was rescued and I cannot thank enough to God and that friend of mine. I am indebted to this friend for a lifetime and how I think I should payback is by empowering people out there.
You are my friend, you can talk to me if you are in this situation. Trust me, I m there for you to listen, to talk, to understand. I have lived the same life so I know how it feels to be in a toxic relationship. It looks impossible to survive but I am there to support you from striving to thriving.
We all deserve to be happy. Choose a partner that makes you feel complete, who appreciates you, loves you unconditionally and is there for you always. I am in the process of healing, it is beautiful and I am loving this feeling of being in love with myself. I laugh, I sing songs, I dance, I am joyful. I look up to the sky often and give my gratitude millions of times. I am alive, I am hopeful, I will find my soulmate when I will find myself. This cracked heart will make a way for love.
Life comes only once, you are allowed to make mistakes, don’t be harsh on yourself. Rise up each time you fall. Be gentle towards yourself and let me know if you need to talk because it is OK not to be OK.
P.S. We will be talking more about Narcissism. So, join me and keep yourself safe. Feel Love- See Love- because You are Love!